So you've come across my page, you've seen that I've experienced domestic abuse and I like to ramble on about the injustices, but you've also seen that I talk about masturbation and own a sex store?! Wtf? Right?!
Well, let me explain.
When you've experienced domestic abuse, or any trauma for that matter, you begin this journey of healing. Now this usually involves some kind of therapy, maybe prescribed drugs for mental health and the focus is all about the past and the events that lead you to feeling this way. But what happens when our mind suddenly stops being so focused on the past? What happens when we suddenly think: 'shit! What am I supposed to do now?!', 'how will I ever trust again?!' 'omg I have a future?!'
It's at that moment that ensuring your nervous system is regulated is crucial.
You see, whilst therapies and drugs and all the other things that promote wellness after abuse are great and so beneficial, what I feel they lacked, for me, was that mind-body connection that is so very important for moving on. The actual healing of my physical dysregulated nervous system. You're so wrapped up in your thoughts that you have no idea how to be present in your body! Then begins the endless cycle of not actually knowing how to be present and enjoy a new relationship.
But how the bloody hell do we fix a broken nervous system?
I did this through self-pleasure.
Self-pleasure is not just the act of masturbation. Self-pleasure is the act of being mindful and present within your body. Taking time to connect with your body and ground your running thoughts. Understanding your body, your desires, your limits and then arming yourself with this knowledge to protect yourself in relationships. Here are five ways that self-pleasure helps heal a broken nervous system:
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Stress Alleviation:
- Engaging in self-pleasure, facilitates the release of endorphins and oxytocin, aiding in stress reduction. Promoting a sense of pleasure and relaxation throughout your body.
- Alleviating stress symptoms regularly helps your nervous system regulate it's responses.
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Parasympathetic Nervous System Activation:
- Self-pleasure actually activates the parasympathetic nervous system, fostering a soothing response, also allowing space and time for regulation.
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Heightened Body Awareness:
- Mindful engagement in self-pleasure encourages a profound awareness of one's body, emotions, and physical responses. This increased awareness can serve as a crucial tool for understanding personal limits, boundaries, and desires, fostering a connection with oneself and ensuring you enter new situations and relationships armed with this knowledge.
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Facilitating Sleep Quality:
- The relaxation and stress-reducing benefits associated with self-pleasure can contribute to improved sleep quality. Quality sleep is integral to regulating the nervous system.
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Mindfulness for Empowerment:
- The mindfulness that comes from self-pleasure empowers you to focus on the present moment, aiding in the redirection of attention from past traumas. This mindfulness-centered approach supports you in establishing a positive connection with your body.
There is no over-night fix for healing a broken nervous system and that is why I differentiate between self-pleasure and masturbation. We're not just having an orgasm and boom, relationships are a piece of cake (although that bloody helps, doesn't it!). No, it's a lifestyle change. It's ensuring you're not so caught up in your thoughts of worry and sadness and seeking that external validation that you forget you are a whole. Your body needs connection too.
I now teach women how to use self-pleasure to eliminate shame, build body confidence and raise self-esteem, so that they go out into the world and into their relationships with self-worth! Find out more here: www.vickycrone.co.uk
You got this girl!
