For years, I said “sorry” without speaking a word.
I said it by sucking in my stomach.
By turning the lights off.
By staying quiet during sex.
I treated my body like something I should hide — especially during moments of pleasure.
Because I’d been taught to be small.
To make myself desirable, but not demanding.
To perform, but never take up too much space.
But one night, that changed.
It was just me.
No partner. No audience. Just curiosity and a mirror.
I wanted to know what my vulva looked like when I came.
So I lay back, opened my legs, grabbed my toy, and decided to watch instead of close my eyes.
And what I saw wasn’t shameful. It wasn’t gross.
It was powerful.
The way my body responded — the way my vulva swelled, throbbed, opened up — it was f*cking beautiful.
I didn’t flinch.
I didn’t suck in.
I didn’t apologise.
I stared directly at the part of me that had been sexualised, controlled, shamed — and for the first time in my life, I saw it as mine.
What Helped Me Love My Body (and Might Help You Too)
This isn’t a “love yourself” Pinterest board. These are real things that helped me — and might help you, too.
💡 1. Use a mirror to explore, not inspect.
Next time you touch yourself, watch. Not to fix or analyse. Just to witness. Curiosity is a healing act.
💡 2. Wear lingerie for you.
The first time I wore my red mesh teddy alone in bed, I didn’t feel embarrassed. I felt hot.
You don’t need a partner to deserve nice knickers.
👉 [Link to red teddy here]
💡 3. Let your belly be soft.
Let it rise and fall while you breathe, moan, orgasm. That softness is survival. It’s strength. Let it move.
💡 4. Don’t just masturbate — worship.
Take your time. Play with temperature, pressure, positions.
Use lube. Use your hands. Use a toy that makes you feel everything.
👉 [Link to clit-friendly toy here]
💡 5. Move in ways that reconnect, not punish.
Not to lose weight. Not to “earn” sexiness. Just to feel good in your body again.
Put on music. Let yourself move like no one’s watching — or like you’re watching yourself on purpose.
You don’t have to be confident every day.
But you do get to stop apologising for the body that’s carried you through hell.
You are allowed to look at yourself and feel desire — not disgust.
You are allowed to take up space in your own pleasure.
You are not here to perform.
You’re here to feel.
Vicky x
🖤 [Shop lingerie that honours your body]
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